Gazeebo De Lala: December 2006

Kuya Pardz / Kaloy / Mama Mich / Chai / Jichael / Aleli / Cass / Colleen / Jane / Mark / Keisha / Kim / Kris / Anakat / Maryel

Lalans by heart, Bedans by blood

Tuesday, December 12, 2006



By: Joseph Pardo

I said,

Leave him now before it’s too late

You hesitate a moment you wanted to wait

But I pushed you on and force you to decide

I said,

“Look you don’t have to be so kind.”

You said,

“But I don’t love him anymore.”

So I begged you to leave him alone

Finally you agreed

And we put the phone down

I was happy for you

At last you were free

But I cried

Cause I know that him…

Was ME…

Friday, December 08, 2006

To be or not to be...that is the question?

To be or not to be…that is the question?

For the past couple of weeks I can’t help but notice that the title of this entry is the question on the minds of the people close to me and it also happens that this also the question that is on my mind as well. Personally, I am being faced with the daunting task of facing my past and learning how to deal with it and letting it go. As anyone of you know this isn’t easy to do and one has to be prepared for anything that might happen. Being able to face the truth about yourself and maybe of other and realizing that there are just some things you can’t control and move on. There’s a lot from my past that I haven’t dealt with and now I will have to make choices that I have put off for some time.

Coming to grips with it isn’t easy for me or for anyone simply because we are scared of what we might find or realize about ourselves. Most of the time we just push it aside and focus on other things or we go through denial, sublimation, sour-grapping and other forms of defense mechanisms that “make” us cope with life and I am guilty of that. I’ve tried not to deal with it and frankly it gets tiring after a while. You realize that most of your energies have been going to something else rather than important aspects of your life.

My best friend made me realize that no matter what it has to be me that makes my own happiness and my own life. A lesson that I seem to have forgot over the past couple of months. Life is what I make of it and if I spend so much time just pretending then I won’t be able to do the things that I need to do. I won’t be able to make my dreams come true. I was walking home Saturday night and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the night sky was. The moon was out, not a cloud in the sky, there’s a chill in the air and it made me realize that if I wanted to be happy again then I have to do it on my own. That night I decided to make something more of my life and live it to the fullest. I need to make a change and in order to do that I need to come to terms with my past and with my life. I won’t be easy and I know that I’ll fall along the way but someday things will be ok and I will be ok.

I would like to end this with the song that lifts me up entitled “Someday” by Nina:

“Someday…someone’s gonna love me…

The way…I wanted you to need me…

Someday…someone’s gonna take your place…

One day…I’ll forget about you…

You’ll see…I won’t even miss you…